How to Travel by Yourself

(Inspired by the How-To Project)

Sunset cruise in the Okavanga Delta in Botswana

I’ve traveled to Paris, Budapest, Prague, Brno, New York City, Chicago and southern Africa by myself. People are always surprised by this, as if it’s a brave or subversive act. To me, it’s an act of slight desperation because I want to travel as much as possible, but cannot always find people who have that same drive…the drive that says, don’t buy expensive clothes or an expensive car because you need money for plane tickets and hostels and Czech beer and museum entrance fees and postcards.

How to travel by yourself? TL;DR: Just go.

Or:

1. Get used to being by yourself. It baffles me when people say can’t stand going to the movies or eating in a restaurant by themselves. I’m not sure what sets their nerves ablaze with this prospect. Boredom? Bring a book. People watch. Stare at your phone like you do when friends are around. Loneliness? Chat up a neighbor. Social anxiety? No one is looking at you and no one cares that you’re eating a taco plate alone. There. Go out alone. Eat tacos. Watch movies. Dance your pretty little ass off at a show. Try to find hot people in the crowd to ogle. All by your lonesome.

2. Get tired of waiting for other people to do the things you want to do. In a perfect world, we would have a gaggle of friends who accompany us to every movie, every concert, every foreign land that we have a passing interest in. For a while, we do. It’s called our twenties. Then people get mired in work, babies, families, gardening, video games, whathaveyou, and gathering a group to go to a foreign land becomes a Herculean task of organization and compromise.

What’s that sound you hear? Tick-tock. Tick-tock. We’re all getting older. Do you really want to wait for the perfect time and perfect traveling companions to see the world? There are a lot of countries out there and, as Americans, we only have so much vacation time each year. Get crackin’.

Charles Bridge in Prague

3. Buy a plane ticket. Do not buy a guidebook first. Commit. It’s so easy to say you’re going to do something…someday. But once you spend more than $500 and request vacation time? You are going.

4. Now plan your trip. Get guidebooks. Stalk the Lonely Planet forums. Ask for recommendations on Ask Metafilter. Plan bus routes and pack lightly.

One of the big drawbacks to traveling alone is not having someone to share hotel costs with. Hostels and guest houses are your friends. Sharing a bathroom is not a big deal when you are saving $50 a night. If you’re worried about bunking with strangers, many hostels have two-person rooms you can book alone that are cheaper than a typical hotel. Hostels are also full of extra features: Free internet access, piles of used books (ask me how I finally read Eat Pray Love, an embarrassingly poignant book when you’re traveling alone as a woman), tons of local touristing info, and a kitchen. For brave, friendly souls, Couchsurfing is an extremely cheap option. AirBnB is less cheap, but offers a similar live-like-a-local vibe. (I stayed at a great guest house in Pretoria, South Africa, through AirBnB.)

5. Consider your safety. I haven’t traveled to “dangerous” places, but there are general travel tips one should abide by no matter your destination. Keep your cash, credit cards and passport somewhere impossible to pickpocket. Don’t flash tons of cash. Leave the fancy jewelry at home. Make at least two copies of your passport; carry one in your luggage and leave one at home. Even better: Scan it and email yourself a copy. Keep loved ones at home abreast of your whereabouts (hello, free hostel internet!). Don’t get blazing drunk or diminish your faculties in other manners. Vaccinate yourself if necessary. Watch that local water, if necessary. (Wish I was sharing this tip not from experience.) Read up on local tourist scams and watch yourself.

At the top of Victoria Falls (guess who took the photo)

I went to southern Africa earlier this year. Part of the time I was with a tour group, but sorrowfully parted ways with them at Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe. I crossed the border alone into Zambia for the chance to briefly visit another country and see the Falls from the other side.* During my actual outing at the Falls, a cab driver attached himself to my side. He said he was bored and just wanted to give me a tour and didn’t want money. I was partially weirded out, traipsing through a nearly empty park with a strange man, having worrying mom-type thoughts: “This guy could pull me off into the foliage, rape and kill me, and no one in the world really knows where I am.” And partially irritated: Of course, he’d want more money that I now felt obligated to give. But you know what? He was really nice. I got the insider tour. We had some great conversations about how much it costs to rent our homes ($100/month vs. $1,200/month), whether WWF is “real,” and why so many entertainers become politicians in the United States. And I gave him extra money because, jeez, why be a cheap jerk when I had a nice day.

Lesson: Yes, be careful, but sometimes you need to just relax and it’s worth the extra bit of money to do so.**

6. Talk to people. I’m still working on this one, not being known for striking up conversations with strangers or being forthright and getting to know locals. But I’m trying. I smile every time I think of the Botswanans I met who shouted “Obama!” joyously when I told them where I’m from. One of my fondest memories from Prague was sharing a dining table at a monastic brewery with a girl from Colorado, fresh off Okotoberfest; a young Quebecois who was traveling the world after saving for two years; and an older couple from the Midwest. Meeting people is fun and staves off the lonelies.

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First Day in Johannesburg – Apartheid Museum

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On my first full day in Johannesburg for my 16-day Southern Africa trip, I hired a driver (for way too much money – shop around and bargain, kids) to take me across the city to the Apartheid Museum and Gold … Continue reading

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Merry Belated Holidays

We’ve talked about personalizing our holiday card for many years, but never bothered. It seemed a little narcissistic to put our own mugs on the card without having kids to show off. Pets are another option. Who doesn’t like a dopey dog or a haughty cat on their holiday card. Only, we have a tortoise.

One evening, I sewed a teensy Santa hat out of scraps of felt. The next day, I bribed our tortoise to sit still with one of his favorite meals–sweet potato. Continue reading

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House of Mystery – The Rough, Slouching Unknown

House of MysteryAnother quote from a book I’m reading, since I am all bogged down with freelance work and too many photos!

House of Mystery, Vol. 2: Love Stories for Dead People

By Matthew Sturges, Luca Rossi and Jose Marzan Jr.

Read September 2011

Lovecraft said that the oldest and strongest type of fear is fear of the unknown. And he was an authority on such matters.

But that’s not exactly it, is it?

We like the unknown. We’re hunky dory with the unknown. We are, in fact, perfectly thrilled with the unknown–as long as it remains unknown and we never have to think about it.

What we’re really afraid of is that the unknown will stand up and demand to be recognized. That it won’t get out of the way quickly enough and we’ll step in it, all squishy and moist.  We’re terrified at night in the dark that the rough, slouching unknown will crawl into bed and give us a hot wet kiss on the neck.

We’re not afraid of the unknown. We’re afraid of the unknown becoming known.

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American Gods by Neil Gaiman

(Note: I have decided to write down sections or quotes from books that I read as another way of remembering them. [In addition to Goodreads; inspired by Mighty Girl.] This is a long one. I decided to re-read American Gods before we saw Neil Gaiman’s live appearance in late June. It’s taken me this long to finish the book. I blame Game of Thrones, the new Sookie Stackhouse book, and laziness. American Gods was worth the re-read.)

American Gods

By Neil Gaiman

Read June-August 2011 (first read 2001 or 2002)

There was a girl, and her uncle sold her, wrote Mr. Ibis in his perfect copperplate handwriting.

That is the tale; the rest is detail.

There are accounts that, if we open our hearts to them, will cut us too deeply. Look–here is a good man, good by his own lights and the lights of his friends: he is faithful and true to his wife, he adores and lavishes attention on his little children, he cares about his country, he does his job punctiliously, as best he can. So, efficiently and good-naturedly, he exterminates Jews: he appreciates the music that plays in the background to pacify them; he advises the Jews not to forget their identification numbers as they go into the showers–many people, he tells them, forget their numbers, and take the wrong clothes when they come out of the showers. This calms the Jews. There will be life, they assure themselves, after the showers. Our man supervises the detail taking the bodies to the ovens; and if there is anyuthing he feels bad about, it is that he still allows the gassing of vermin to affect him. Were he truly a good man, he knows, he would feel nothing but joy as the earth is cleansed of its pests.

There was a girl, and her uncle sold her. Put like that it seems so simple.

No man, proclaimed Donne, is an Island, and he was wrong. If we were no islands, we would be lost, drowned in each other’s tragedies. We are insulated (a word that means, literally, remember, made into an island) from the tragedy of others, by our island nature, and by the repetitve shape and form of the stories. The shape does not change: there was a human being who was born, lived, and then, by some means or another, died. There. You may fill in the details from your own experience. As unoriginal as any other tale, as unique as any other life. Lives are like snowflakes–florming patterns we have seen before, as like one another as peas in a pod (an have you ever looked at peas in a pod? I mean really looked at them? There’s not a chance you’d mistake one for another, after a minute’s close inspection), but still unique.

Without individuals we see only numbers: a thousand dead, a hundred thousand dead, “casualties may rise to a milion.” With individual stories, the statistics become people–but even that is a lie, for the people continue to suffer in numbers that themselves are numbing and meaningless. Look, see the child’s swollen, swollen belly, and the flies that crawl at the corners of his eyes, his skeletal limbs: will it make it easier for you to know his name, his age, his dreams, his fears? To see him from the inside? And if it does, are we not doing a disservice to his sister, who lies in the searing dust beside him, a distorted, distended caricature of a human child? And there, if we feel for them, are they now more important to us than a thousand other young lives who will soon be food for the flies’ own myriad squirming children?

We draw our lines around these moments of pain, and remain upon our islands, and they cannot hurt us. They are covered with a smooth, safe, nacreous layer to let them slip, pearllike, from our souls without real pain.

Fiction allows us to slide into these other heads, these other places, and look out through other eyes. And then in the tale, we stop before we die, or we die vicariously and unharmed, and in the world beyond the tale we turn the page or close the book, and we resume our lives.

A life that is, like any other, unlike any other.

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Hiking to San Antonio Falls

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On Friday evening, my nephew Miles and I went for a quick evening hike to San Antonio Falls at Mt. Baldy. It’s a hidden gem, a place you can forget exists. Yet, it’s easy to get to, both in terms … Continue reading

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Neil Gaiman: American Gods 10th Anniversary Interview

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On the last Tuesday evening in June, we headed up to the Saban Theatre in Beverly Hills (next to the Flynt building) for a literary event: An interview with author Neil Gaiman, conducted by comedian Patton Oswalt upon the 10th anniversary … Continue reading

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Desert Oddities #3: Salton Sea & Creationist Dinosaurs

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The third part of our trip (first two thirds: Peter Murphy in Pioneertown; Salvation Mountain) involved the drive to and from Salvation Mountain. I’m not being exact in the order of events because I was so excited about Salvation Mountain, … Continue reading

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Desert Oddities #2: Salvation Mountain

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For the second half of our 24-hour desert trip (other entries: Peter Murphy in Pioneertown; Salton Sea & Creationist Dinosaurs), we drove many miles to see Salvation Mountain, an incredible folk-art landscape located precisely in the middle of nowhere. To get … Continue reading

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Desert Oddities #1: Seeing Peter Murphy in Pioneertown

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When I was younger, I didn’t like the desert. My grandparents lived in Lucerne Valley, California–which is in the high desert, about halfway between Victorville and Joshua Tree–and I found it hot and boring and dusty and boring. Sometimes, it … Continue reading

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